I truly thought once I moved "on" in my pregnancy, my worries would subside.
Instead, they have grown, taken over my mind at times and made me come to a place where I simply banish them completely, before I think on them.
I don't know why I carry worry over this pregnancy. I know intuitively that worry and fear are NOT from God. He doesn't want that for me. He offers peace, but I feel a constant battle in my mind. A battle to pass my fear into His hands and not focus on it.
Being a self-proclaimed ex-control freak, It takes work to not mull over and solve every perceived problem. I like answers and solutions and yet the only answer that will "work" in this situation is casting my concerns and fear on the shoulders of Him which offers peace.
My fears of
...pain in childbirth
...having a child with a health condition
...the Lord sending me home with no child
...walking into the hospital and my baby no longer having a heartbeat
...being out of control of what happens after the baby is here
...not being the mother that I need to be
My mind can become flooded and my heart overwhelmed. I don't like fear and it isn't something I am accustomed to, but it has become a fast friend, these last 20 weeks. I hate it, yet I chose for it to take a stronghold in my mind. It's all my choice.
I want nothing more than to pass it over and hand the baton on. Today I will. I will walk into that doctors office and allow the words of this verse to wash over me instead....
2 Chronicles 20:15 "Do not be afraid or dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's."
The battle for my mind, heart and sanity belongs to the Lord and not to me. He will fight my fight and face my fears. My job is to trust Him, serve diligently and live passionately.
I think I can handle that.
